My girlfriend called me up and said that she still had a few
leftover cupcakes from her son’s graduation. She said it seemed like they were
staring at her in the fridge. HELP! She cried! She was not having a psychotic
episode but she desperately wanted to eat the icing off the cake. She kept opening and then closing the fridge
door again and again in hopes that the urge to dig in without anyone looking
would leave! She was stressed out and exhausted- she held a busy job both as a
banker and as a mom (need I say much more). She was dealing with her own
business deadlines as well as her kids who were at the end of school year (means
exams and final projects), and she was trying to get ready for summer, making
plans and schedules and new routines.
The good news is that there are ways to stop comfort eating before it harms you physically and emotionally. Once you’ve realized this is happening, the first thing you should do is give yourself a break. Having self-compassion is the first step toward learning to comfort yourself in other ways. I believe that it is important to pay attention to the thoughts and feelings you have before you eat. The more aware you are of your inner experiences, the more you can choose how to cope with them. I believe that the solution to emotional eating is less about eating than it is about emotions.
So, why not start with a simple step- make a list of what you love to do and what is stressing you, and make a plan to take control of the situation. Ok, easier said than done! So you can practice letting yourself experience difficult feelings. I know you don’t like feeling mad, sad, rejected, and bored. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard someone say “what’s the point in feeling mad? It doesn’t change anything.” Well, it may not change the source of your anger but it will prevent you from having to blunt your feelings with behaviors you’d like to stop – like eating. Have you ever tried to press your internal “pause” button? This helps to add a delay between the urge to eat and actually eating. This also gives you time to check in with how you're feeling and why you want to eat. When you get the urge to eat a cookie out of sadness or boredom, remember that you have the option to wait it out. If you can say to yourself “I’ll have it later” gives the impulse time to pass. And even if it doesn’t, successfully delaying the snack helps you feel more in control. When you’re tempted to snack for emotional reasons, try moving instead. Go for a 5-10 minute walk. Even a quick burst of activity refreshes you, and moving is a proven stress-buster. You've replaced the urge to eat with something else.
There are many ways to calm yourself without calories, such as journaling, meditation techniques, connecting with others, self-message, distraction, guided imagery and ways to pamper your senses. Try out these techniques when you aren't craving food so you get them down pat before you really need them! You wouldn't want to learn how to swim in rough water. Nor do you want to learn the art of soothing yourself without food on a very stressful day. With practice, you can end emotional eating.
So, do you think my friend gave into the cupcake? No, she sat down in a quiet place in her living room, listened to the storm pass (literally as there was a thunderstorm outside and figuratively as she calmed her soul) and cut up a delicious piece of fruit and read a book.
So, what feeds your soul? Give it some thought and I bet you will be surprised and delighted by what you come up with!
